30 Days To Understanding Your Eating
​Do you ask "Why do I keep eating when I'm not hungry?" or "Why do I keep starting over?"
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When we are stressed, overwhelmed, and dealing with our busy lives, that is when most of us turn to food for comfort.
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These lessons will help you learn the “Why” behind your eating. There are many reasons, including emotional eating, physical hunger, cravings, stress, self-talk, and habit. ​
A new lesson will be added Monday through Friday, with weekends off to give you time to pause, reflect, catch up, or simply enjoy your weekend.
There is no need to rush through these lessons or worry if you fall behind. This isn't about checking off 30 boxes; it's about taking your time to better understand yourself and your relationship with food.
Go at your own pace, revisit lessons whenever you need them, and remember:
Small steps. Lasting change. One day at a time.
Available Lessons
Day 1: Your Eating Has a Story
Day 2: Physical Hunger or Emotional Hunger?
Day 3: Learning Your Body's Hunger Signals
Day 4: I Don't Know If I'm Actually Hungry
Day 5: Your Most Common Eating Triggers
Day 6: The Thought Before the Bite
Day 7: Your First Week of Discovery
Day 8: Why Food Feels Comforting
Day 9: Stress and Survival Mode
Day 10: Emotional Exhaustion
Day 11: Loneliness and Connection
Day 12: Rewarding Yourself With Food
Day 13:What Are You Really Hungry For?
Day 14: The Urge Is Not the Enemy
Day 15: The Power of the Pause
Day 16: Calm the brain and make emotions easier to manage
Day 17: Your Environment Shapes Your Habits
Day 18: Breaking the All-or-Nothing Mindset
Day 19: Restriction Can Increase Cravings
Day 20: Responding After Emotional Eating
Day 21: Try the Ten-Minute Experiment
Day 22: Build a Comfort Toolbox
Day 23: Food Is Not a Moral Test
Day 24: Coming soon
Day 25: Coming soon
Day 26: Coming soon
Day 27: Coming soon
Day 28: Coming soon
Day 29: Coming soon
Day 30: Coming soon
Your Eating Has A Story
Have you ever stopped and thought about why food gives us so much comfort when we are stressed and overwhelmed? Or why we tend to gravitate to certain foods as if they're calling our name? It is not because you lack willpower. The eating habits that we have were not developed by accident.
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We all have a story.
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Our relationship with food starts long before we begin to worry about things like calories or weight. Surprisingly, it starts in childhood through family traditions, celebrations, rewards, and stressful moments. The messages we get about food and our bodies affect us more than we would think. As we grow up and become adults, life experiences like dieting, busy schedules, heartbreak, anxiety, loneliness, trauma, or chronic stress can further shape the way we eat.
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Food can become a comfort after a difficult day.
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Dessert was how your family celebrated special occasions.
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Maybe you are from the “clean your plate club” because wasting food wasn't allowed.
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Or dieting has taught your brain that certain foods were "off limits," making them even more tempting.
We can’t change our experiences, but they do explain why your brain responds to food the way it does today.
Understanding your eating habits gives you a chance to discover the patterns that have quietly made your choices for years. Once you understand those patterns, you can begin changing them with compassion instead of shame.
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This journey isn't about becoming perfect.
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It's about understanding yourself a little better each day.
Small Action Step
Write down one eating habit you would like to understand better.
For example:
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I snack every evening while watching television.
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I crave sweets when I'm stressed.
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I eat quickly without realizing it.
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I keep eating even after I'm full.
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I reach for food whenever I'm lonely.
Don't try to change the habit today.
Just notice itAwareness is the first step toward lasting change.
Physical Hunger or Emotional Hunger?
Do you find yourself back in the kitchen looking for a snack not long after supper? You know that you're not physically hungry because you just ate. That doesn’t stop the urge to want something else. Whether it is something sweet, salty, or crunchy, you are looking for a distraction. That's why it is important to learn the difference between physical hunger and emotional hunger.
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The goal is to begin recognizing the difference. Physical hunger is your body's way of telling you that it needs nourishment. It usually develops gradually, but your stomach feels empty or growls. You don’t seek a specific food; you're willing to eat a salad. When you have had enough, your hunger will disappear, and you will feel satisfied.
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Emotional hunger usually appears suddenly. Even if you recently ate, you start to feel stressed, and you will want to eat. This kind of hunger has specific foods it wants. Food that comforts you, like chocolate, cookies, or maybe something crunchy. Your stomach isn’t asking for food; your emotions are.
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It may be a signal that something needs your attention. Food does a great job making us feel better, even if it is only for a short while. It provides the distraction we need. One of the reasons you go to food is because your nervous system has learned to cope in this way. It has learned that in the past, when you ate, you felt safe and comforted.
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How often do you criticize yourself? "Why can't I control myself?"
The problem with these kinds of thoughts is that shame does not help you understand what's happening.
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Become aware and curious. Instead of asking: "What's wrong with me?"
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Ask yourself: "What happened that made me want food right now?"
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This helps open the door to understanding why you reach for food when you are not hungry. Learning the difference between physical hunger and emotional hunger does not mean you create all kinds of rules around food. There is no shaming yourself if you choose to eat the cake.
So the next time you reach for food when you are not hungry, allow yourself to pause and reflect. "What kind of hunger am I experiencing right now?"
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If the answer is you're physically hungry, then you should eat. But if the answer is I want ice cream because I feel stressed, that's valuable information. It allows you to pause and ask yourself what you really need in that moment. You may still choose to have the ice cream, and that's okay. The goal isn't to tell yourself you can't have it. The goal is to understand what is driving the desire to eat so you can begin making a conscious choice instead of automatically reacting to the feeling.
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I know it can feel awkward to ask yourself, What do you need right now? The truth is, all new habits are a little awkward at first. But I promise you that asking yourself "how you are feeling," "what do you need right now," " are you lonely," or "do you need rest" will help you reach an understanding of why you feel you need food.
Before eating today, pause and ask yourself: "What kind of hunger am I experiencing right now?"
It is important to notice what your body is feeling. Is it physical hunger or emotional hunger? Your only job today is to notice which hunger you are feeling.
Every time you recognize what's happening before you automatically respond, you're learning something about yourself.
Your key takeaway is that sometimes you want to eat because you're physically hungry, and other times your emotions are looking for comfort. Learning to recognize the difference gives you something you've probably been trying to find for a long time:
A choice.
Instead of automatically responding to every urge, you can begin asking: "What do I really need right now?" And sometimes, simply asking the question is progress.
Small steps. Lasting change. One day at a time.
Learning Your Body's Hunger Signals
Do you remember the last time you were truly hungry? I am not talking about craving something, being bored or stressed, and looking for comfort. But physically hungry. When was the last time you were really hungry?
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The years that we have spent on countless diets, counting calories or following rules. Because of this, we have become disconnected from the signals our bodies naturally send us.
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Being focused on rules and how much we can eat causes us to stop listening to our bodies, cues of fullness.
Today, we're going to learn how to start listening again.
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We think hunger should be our stomachs growling. But physical hunger shows up in many different ways.
You might notice:
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Your stomach feels empty.
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Your energy begins to drop.
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You have difficulty concentrating.
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You feel a little irritable.
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You start thinking about food.
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You feel physically weak or tired.
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A variety of foods begin to sound appealing.
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Think About a Gas Gauge
Have you ever gone on a long drive without paying attention to the gas gauge? You keep going when the tank is half full. When the tank is at 1/4, you notice but don’t stop. Once the gas light comes on, you are frantically looking for a gas station.
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You don’t take the time to compare prices; you think you need gas now, and it doesn't matter how much it costs. Our bodies can be the same way. If we ignore our hunger until we are extremely hungry, we are more apt to grab whatever is available. Also, because we waited so long to eat, most of us will eat past full.. That isn't a lack of willpower; it is just a case of waiting too long to eat.
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Eating When Hunger Isn't There
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Just as we can sometimes ignore the signals telling us we're hungry, we can also get in the habit of eating when we are not physically hungry. It could be that you have eaten at 7 am, noon, or 5 pm all your life, so you may eat, but your body is not signaling its hunger yet.
Maybe you sit down to watch television and automatically grab a snack.
Maybe you always have something sweet after dinner.
Maybe food is sitting in front of you, so you reach for it without really thinking about whether you're hungry.
Over time, these habits make it harder to recognize our natural hunger cues because we're rarely allowing ourselves to experience them.
Think about the gas gauge again.
If we regularly eat because it's time, or because food is available, or because we're following a routine, we may stop asking:
“Am I actually hungry?”
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Your goal is not to respond to our food cues perfectly. We want to make our goal to start paying attention to our body signals and what it is trying to tell you.
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Fullness Has Signals Too
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Our body not only tells us when we need food, but it also tells us when we are full.
You may notice:
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Your hunger begins to disappear.
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The food doesn't taste quite as exciting as it did with the first few bites.
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Your stomach feels comfortable.
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You begin feeling satisfied.
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Your desire to continue eating starts decreasing.
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The signals can be easy to miss, which makes it challenging. The challenge is that these signals can be easy to miss, especially if you're eating quickly, watching television, scrolling on your phone, working, or eating while distracted.
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Sometimes by the time we notice fullness, we've already moved well beyond comfortable satisfaction.
That's why slowing down can be such a useful tool.
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Before you eat today, take a moment to check in with yourself.
Ask: "What is my body telling me right now?"
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Maybe your stomach feels empty.
Maybe you're beginning to lose energy.
Maybe you're very hungry.
Or perhaps you realize:
"I'm actually not physically hungry at all."
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After your meal, check in again to see how you feel. This is when you notice the difference between needing food, enjoying food, feeling satisfied, and feeling overly full.
The more often you practice noticing these signals, the easier they may become to recognize.
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Your Small Action
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Choose one meal and practice checking in with your body three times
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Before eating:
What physical sensations am I noticing?
During the meal:
Am I still physically hungry, or am I beginning to feel satisfied?
After eating:
How does my body feel?
Don't change your food.
Don't count calories.
Don't judge how much you ate.
Just notice.
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You're practicing something many of us stopped doing a long time ago: listening to your own body.
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The more you practice listening, the more you can begin making choices based on what your body actually needs.
Small steps. Lasting change. One day at a time.
Your Most Common Eating Triggers
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Have you ever noticed that you can go through most of the day feeling completely in control of your eating, and then something happens and suddenly all you can think about is food?
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There are many reasons why we turn to food. An argument with someone, being tired from a long day at work, or simply walking past the kitchen.
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These moments are often called triggers.
A trigger is something that puts the thought in your head that you want to eat. It could be a place, person, an emotion, time of day, or a situation. Most of the time, we are not even aware that it's happening.
Emotional eating is often associated with stress. And stress is definitely a common trigger. There are many triggers, and below is a list of common triggers.
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You might eat when you're: Lonely, bored, angry, anxious, overwhelmed, tired, sad, frustrated, celebrating.
Emotional eating isn’t just for negative feelings; positive and happy emotions can trigger eating as well. It could be that food has been part of the way your family celebrates good news. Or Fridays are dessert night, because you're celebrating getting through another week. The trigger itself isn’t bad. It is just the way your brain associates eating.
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The triggers and eating patterns can change, just by who you are around. If you are with someone that you consider stressful, you might feel the urge to eat some ice cream. Or a family member comments on your weight, driving you to eat a pan of brownies.
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Think about family gatherings, holidays, vacations, celebrations, and social events. These occasions are centered around eating. This does not mean to start avoiding certain people or events. It means that it is helpful to recognize how certain situations and people can affect your eating.
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Have you ever walked into a movie theater and smelled popcorn? And you suddenly wanted some, even though you just had supper. That is what you call an environmental trigger. Your brain learned that going to the movies equals eating popcorn. The same thing can happen at home. You sit down on the couch after a long day, and you suddenly remember the bag of chips you hid behind the bag of flour.
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The environment itself can trigger you to want certain foods, because it is a behavior that has been repeated many times.
Don't Try to Eliminate Every Trigger
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Once you identify your triggers, your first instinct may be to try to stop the triggers from happening. The problem is you can’t eliminate stress, difficult people, loneliness, and exhausting days.
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And we certainly can't eliminate every tempting food from the world around us. Your goal is to become aware and recognize your triggers.
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When you can say: "I notice that every time I feel overwhelmed, I want something sweet."
In that thought, you created awareness. Awareness is key because it gives you a chance to respond differently. Not perfectly, or every time, but now you're aware, and that's progress.
Your Small Action
Today, identify three of your most common eating triggers.
Write them down.
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For example: Trigger #1: Stress after work; Trigger #2: Sitting on the couch at night; Trigger #3: Feeling lonely on the weekend
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Then choose one of those triggers and pay attention to it this week. When the trigger happens, say to yourself: "That's one of my triggers."
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That's it. You are not expected to change everything at once. And the first step we are learning is to recognize the moment when an old pattern shows up.
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A trigger is information, not a failure.
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Every time you recognize one of your triggers, you're learning something important, and the more you understand what triggers your eating, the better prepared you'll be to learn new ways to respond.
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Small steps. Lasting change. One day at a time.
The Thought Before the Bite
Have you sat down after work and eaten something you knew was unhealthy? Then we tell ourselves that we had a hard day and deserve it. That thought also becomes part of your eating habits. We have been focusing on what we have been eating; let's shift a little and start listening to what you're saying to yourself.
The "I Deserve It" Thought
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This is a very powerful thought. We often feel we deserve a treat when we are stressed, overwhelmed or if we had a hard day.
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You do deserve something: rest, comfort, time to yourself, and you deserve to be cared for. You don’t deserve to feel guilt and shame for eating when stressed or overwhelmed.
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Giving yourself grace is a very important part of healing. Allowing yourself to take a moment and ask what you really need will create the awareness you need to change the conversation
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How many times have you told yourself that we would start over on Monday? When we think this, it gives permission to eat everything we want, because tomorrow you will get back on plan.
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When tomorrow arrives, you find yourself creating more rules to help you stay on plan. All the rules feel overwhelming and restrictive, which causes you to eat out of stress from your rules.
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This cycle keeps you trapped in a cycle of “On track” and “Off Plan”
To help shift your mindset, decide that you will no longer start over on Mondays. Instead, your next choice is simply your next choice. You don’t need to wait till Monday or tomorrow. Just continue on with your next meal. Make it a choice to allow yourself to keep going instead of stopping and starting again.
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Today's Takeaway
Your eating patterns are accompanied by thought patterns. These thoughts appear quickly, and sometimes you don’t recognize that the thoughts are influencing how you respond. Create a space between the thought and what you do next. That space will help you eventually start making different choices.
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Your Small Action
This week, take the time to write down your thoughts that you have before you eat.
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Are you justifying your food choices?
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When you write them down, it helps you see the pattern. You could notice that you have the same thoughts repeatedly.
This kind of information will help change your thought patterns.
Allowing yourself to create new thought patterns that build you up, not tear you down
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Small steps. Lasting change. One day at a time.
Your First Week of Discovery
These past six days have not been about fixing your eating. It has been centered around learning to understand your eating patterns. This is the first step to creating lasting change.
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In the first six lessons, you've started looking at your eating from several different directions. We spent time thinking about your history with food, learning the difference between physical and emotional hunger, identifying your common triggers, and noticing when the triggers happen.
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That is a lot of information, and hopefully you discovered something new and became more aware of things you already knew.
This is progress in the right direction.
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In the past, we believed that change required throwing out food that is in the house and buying “healthy” foods to replace it. We would then “Start the diet,” making sure we track everything we ate while sticking to new rules. In the middle of this overwhelming change, we promise ourselves we will make it this time.
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Following a diet and strict rules gives us a sense that we are accomplishing something.
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Taking the time and observing how we eat and why feels too easy, almost as if we are doing nothing. Look at it another way. If you have a pipe leaking in the kitchen, you find out where the water is coming from. If you don’t look for the leak first, you will spend a lot of time cleaning up the water. Putting towels everywhere or mop the floor. These actions help in the moment, but long-term they do not.
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Until you understand where the leak is coming from, you're paying attention to the result and not the source.
This is what we are doing with your eating. We are taking the time to find the source.
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Be Careful of the Inner Critic​
When we start to become aware of our patterns and how we eat, we think:" I can't believe I do this." "Why didn't I realize this sooner?" "I should be able to stop."
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That is not the purpose of becoming aware, because criticizing yourself only pushes you further into emotional eating. The reason why becoming aware is important is that you start to understand the “Why.”
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Remember you don’t have to fix everything at once. If you discovered five different triggers this week, that could be overwhelming. This new journey is different from your past ones. Pick one trigger and work on only that. It could take days or weeks, and that is okay. It isn’t about how long it takes to change a habit. The important thing is you're working on it.
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Think of Yourself as Gathering Puzzle Pieces
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If you open a puzzle box and dump all the pieces on the table, at first, all you see are hundreds of individual pieces. You don’t see that they all fit together until you begin to turn them over, find the edges, and notice the colors.
You would group similar pieces, and eventually the puzzle creates a picture. One piece doesn't tell the whole story. But as you learn about yourself, the picture becomes clearer.
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But as you continue learning about yourself, the picture becomes clearer.
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Today's Takeaway
Awareness is progress. You do not need to fix everything you discovered all at once. Just recognizing your patterns, staying curious, and giving yourself credit for paying attention is enough for now.
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Next week, we'll begin looking more closely at what food may be doing for you emotionally and why it can become such a powerful source of comfort.
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Your Small Action
Write down three things you discovered about yourself this week.
They can be very simple.
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For example:
1. I notice that I want something sweet when I'm stressed.
2. Most of my mindless eating happens while I'm watching television.
3. I often wait until I'm extremely hungry before I eat lunch.
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Then, underneath this week's discoveries, write: "This is information, not evidence that I've failed."
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Because that's exactly what it is: information gives you somewhere to start.
Small steps. Lasting change. One day at a time.
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There is a reason why we turn to certain foods when we need comfort, or are tired, lonely, exhausted or just had a hard day. When you allow yourself your favorite comfort food, you can physically feel your stress disappearing. The reason why we turn to food is that it works. Even though it only works for a short period of time, before the stress comes back.
Food gives our bodies the energy and nutrients we need to be able to function. But we also connect food to pleasure, memories, relationships, traditions, celebrations, and comfort. Some of our happiest memories are: Birthday cake. Holiday dinners. Cookies at Grandma's house. Pizza with friends. Ice cream on vacation.
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Food is woven into our lives through experiences and relationships. It makes sense that certain foods create comfort and familiarity.
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Your Brain Remembers What Brings Relief
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Have you ever had a stressful day and came home, scooped a large amount of ice cream, then sat on the couch? That ice cream makes you feel better for a little while. Your brain becomes aware, and it learns that when you're stressed, ice cream gives you relief. Your brain learns that comfort foods work, so we naturally repeat this behavior to give relief.
If you go for a walk in the woods and find a shortcut, the next time you walk there, you will most likely take the shortcut. If you repeatedly take that shortcut, you start to take the shortcut without even thinking about the choices.
Have you ever noticed that emotional hunger doesn’t have you craving broccoli? Usually, emotional eating craves sweet, salty, creamy, or crunchy. But it is important to understand that food itself carries emotional connections. It could be that when you eat macaroni and cheese, it reminds you of your childhood. Baking warm chocolate cookies reminds you of your grandmother.
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Food usually does not solve our problems; in fact, it can make things worse. Food does not provide connection or solve stressful situations. Food can help us feel relief, but only temporarily.
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You can also feel guilt. So not only are you dealing with the original emotion, but now you feel bad about eating. That is how the cycle of emotional eating can develop.
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We need to be realistic, because taking away something that provides comfort can only deepen the want to eat. Understanding what the comfort food is doing for you can help you make a realistic plan that you can apply in your everyday life.
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Curiosity Changes the Conversation
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When you notice yourself wanting to reach for comfort food, don’t tell yourself that you shouldn’t eat it. Instead, ask yourself: What am I hoping this food will do for me right now?
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Some examples could be: "I want to relax." "I want something to look forward to." "I need comfort." "I'm exhausted."
Understanding what you are looking for can help you start discovering other ways to meet your needs.
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There's a reason you return to food for comfort: at some point, it helps. Instead of criticizing yourself for that, begin understanding it. Food may have become one of the ways you learned to cope with difficult emotions, stress, loneliness, or exhaustion.
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We will slowly build more tools so food doesn't have to do all the work. We can do that by understanding what you're really asking food to help you with.​
Why Food Feels Comforting
Your Small Action
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The next time you want one of your comfort foods, pause before eating and ask:
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"What am I hoping to feel after I eat this?"
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Maybe it's: Calmer. Happier. Comforted. Distracted. Less lonely. Rewarded.
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You don't have to talk yourself out of eating it. If you still want the food, you can eat it. Today's goal is simply to identify what you're hoping the food will provide. That's another piece of your story.
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Small steps. Lasting change. One day at a time.
Stress and Survival Mode
When you wake up late, traffic is backed up, you get to work, and your boss has piled the workload onto your desk, suddenly you are overwhelmed. That's when you find yourself reaching for comfort food.
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You start thinking: "Why can't I control myself when I'm stressed?"
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Underneath the surface, something important is happening. Your brain reacts and responds differently when you are under stress than when you are calm. This explains why emotional eating feels harder to manage during stressful periods.
The brain has a built-in survival system that can sense a threat, then responds in a way that will give quick relief.
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Thousands of years ago, that threat might have been a dangerous animal. But today, the "threat" might be: A deadline. An argument. Financial worries. Caring for aging parents. Relationship problems. This is when your stress hormones, like adrenaline and cortisol, are released. But many of today's stresses don't disappear after a few minutes. They can follow us around all day.
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Why Food Can Become More Appealing When You're Stressed
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Yesterday we learned that food provides relief when you are overwhelmed. We learned that your brain remembers that stress causes you to eat, but it gives you relief.
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It might be helpful to think about how you make decisions when you are calm. You might step back and think about your options. Now think about being overwhelmed and having to make decisions. You would be more reactive, and your patience would be thin.
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We don’t make our best decisions when we are stressed. Instead of demanding more discipline, we can begin learning how to recognize when our stress level is rising.
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Chronic stress can start to become part of your life so that it is barely noticeable anymore.
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You tell yourself that you are fine, but your body is telling a different story. Maybe you're: Exhausted, Irritable, sleeping poorly, thinking about everything you need to accomplish, having stronger cravings than usual.
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A sign that our stress is overwhelmingly high is that we are having urges to be comforted by food. You might feel like this is a problem, but I think we should start treating it as information.
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We can’t take all the stress out of our lives, because difficult days and responsibilities will always be there. There will always be things we can't control. The goal isn't to create a stress-free life. The goal is to notice when you start to become overwhelmed.
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Take a moment, take deep breaths, text a friend, take a short walk, put your phone away, and connect with nature. Allow yourself to ask for help, and give yourself grace.​​
Today's Takeaway
Sometimes the urge to eat isn't asking for food. It's telling you that your stress bucket is getting full.
Your brain isn't working against you.
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It's trying to find relief using something that has worked before.
The goal isn't to turn to food again.
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It's to become aware of your stress earlier and gradually develop more ways to give yourself the comfort and relief you need.
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The next time you notice a strong craving during a difficult day, pause and ask:
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"Am I hungry—or is my bucket overflowing?"
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That one question can help you understand what's really happening.
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Your Small Action
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Today, check your "stress level” before you reach the point of feeling completely overwhelmed. Ask yourself: "How high is my stress right now?"
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What is one small thing you could do right now to lower your stress? You're practicing recognizing the stress before automatically responding to it.
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Small steps. Lasting change. One day at a time
Emotional Exhaustion
The struggle is real. Working hard all day only to allow your cravings to get the best of you at the end of the day. It is very frustrating to stay on plan all day, only to lose control once you get home. It is hard not to become angry with yourself and be filled with guilt and shame.
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There's More Than One Kind of Tired
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We usually think we need sleep when we feel tired. But the truth is, you can be emotionally exhausted and not be physically ready for bed.
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Spending hours at work solving problems, making decisions, meeting other people's needs, worrying, managing conflict, holding back emotions, trying to stay positive, taking care of your family, keeping up with responsibilities, and trying to do everything "right" will cause emotional exhaustion.
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It is no surprise that by the end of the day, you don’t have anything left to give yourself. That is where the comfort food starts to make its way into your evening.
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Food Can Feel Like the Fastest Way to Recharge
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When we sit down after a long day, we are tired of making decisions. Food becomes an easy choice because it is familiar and enjoyable. Food gives you the quiet moment you need all day. The comfort that you craved all day.
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We often look forward to our favorite comfort foods. “When I get home, I get to have the last piece of chocolate cake.” That's why eating in the evening becomes a pattern because your nervous system looks forward to some relief.
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Rest Doesn't Have to Be Earned
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Most think we can only rest when everything is finished. But most of us always have things that need to be done, so we are never finished. There will always be another load of laundry, an appointment, or someone needing something. Waiting till everything is done before giving yourself permission to rest, you may spend most of your life running on an empty battery.
You do not have to earn a few minutes of quiet or have to complete your entire to-do list before taking care of yourself. Sometimes taking a small break before you're exhausted can make the rest of the day easier.
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Your Small Action​
Sometimes you're not looking for food. You're looking for relief from being emotionally exhausted.
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If you've spent the entire day giving your energy to everyone and everything around you, it makes sense that by evening your brain wants something comforting and easy.
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Instead of asking:
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"Why don't I have more willpower at night?"
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try asking:
"What has drained me today, and what do I need right now?"
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You may be surprised to discover that taking care of your eating sometimes begins with taking better care of yourself.
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Small steps. Lasting change. One day at a time.
Loneliness and Connection
Loneliness is not always about being physically alone.
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You can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. Sometimes loneliness comes from feeling unseen, misunderstood, disconnected, or unable to share what you are truly experiencing.
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Food is dependable. It does not ask questions, misunderstand you, or expect anything from you. Familiar foods may bring back memories of safety, family traditions, celebrations, or being cared for. Eating also gives you something to do when the quiet feels like too much.
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For a few moments, the flavors, textures, and experience of eating may help with the loneliness.
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When you connect food to loneliness, you might not be craving only the food. You could be craving what the food represents or temporarily provides:​Comfort, Warmth, pleasure, Distraction, Companionship, Something to look forward to, Relief from an empty or quiet feeling
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If you are not sure if you are physically hungry, pause and ask:​ “Am I craving food, or am I craving connection?”
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You might also ask:
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Do I wish I had someone to talk to right now?
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Am I feeling unseen or misunderstood?
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Has something happened that I want to share with someone?
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Have I spent meaningful time with another person recently?
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Am I looking for comfort, companionship, or reassurance?
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Would food satisfy my body, or am I hoping it will fill an emotional emptiness?
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Connection might look like:
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Sending a short message to someone you trust
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Calling a friend or family member
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Sitting with your pet
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Joining a class, group, or community
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Taking a walk where other people are present
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Writing in a journal about what you wish you could say
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Listening to a comforting podcast or encouraging message
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Asking someone to have coffee or take a walk with you
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Allowing yourself to tell someone, “I’m having a difficult day”
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Food can be comforting, but it doesn't listen to you, understand you, or remind you that you matter. Those are needs that connection can meet.​
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Today’s Takeaway
Sometimes the craving for food is also a craving to feel comforted, understood, or connected. Recognizing the need beneath the urge allows you to care for more than your hunger.
Today’s Small Action
Create a short connection list with three people or activities you can turn to when loneliness appears.
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For example:
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Text someone I trust.
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Sit with my pet or take a walk around other people.
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Visit or participate in a supportive community.
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Keep your list somewhere easy to find. The next time you notice loneliness underneath the urge to eat, choose one small form of connection from your list.
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You do not have to wait until you feel deeply lonely. Practicing connection in small, regular ways can help you feel more supported before the loneliness becomes overwhelming.
Rewarding Yourself With Food
Have you ever had a day that by the end of it you were exhausted and thought:
“I deserve something.” “I've been good all week; I deserve this.”
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Food is one of the ways we reward ourselves. Sometimes it is a celebration reward, and other times it is a “I need to feel better” reward.
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We have been taught since childhood to connect food with our celebrations, comfort, and accomplishments. Over time, our brains connect “Effort - Reward - Food”
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Today we will take some time and look at that connection without judgment.
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Sometimes when we tell ourselves that “I deserve this,” what we are actually saying is: “I deserve to be comforted.”
The fact is, you probably do deserve some comfort. The important question you should be asking is, “Has food become the main way to comfort yourself ?”
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When every hard day ends with food rewards, your brain pays attention to that and learns to expect it.
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We often fall into the “I’ve been good” trap
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This can sound and feel harmless, but it implies that if you have been “bad,” then food is now a test of your character. That creates an unwelcome cycle.
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Restriction - Reward - Guilt - Start Over
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It is important to know that the problem isn’t that you enjoyed a dessert; it is that food has been tied to being good, bad, or deserving.
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Think About a Gold Star
When you were a child and your teacher gave you a gold star after having a great day or doing well on a test, it is a symbol that says, “You did something good.” Food became the adult version of the gold star. Food has become proof that we have earned something.
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Today's Takeaway
You deserve comfort, pleasure, rest, and enjoyment. But you learned today that food doesn't have to be the only way you receive them.
Your Small Action
Pay attention to your thoughts. When you notice you are thinking you deserve a treat, stop, take a moment, and ask what kind of reward I am looking for.
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Then think of other ways to feel rewarded other than food.
Allow yourself to try new ways to be rewarded and comforted.
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Small steps. Lasting change. One day at a time.
What Are You Really Hungry For?
Sometimes we know exactly what we want to eat. We could be looking for something sweet, salty, crunchy, or something warm and comforting. But knowing what we want is not the same as knowing what we truly need.
Over the last two weeks, we have been learning what happens around your eating. We talked about hunger, emotions, triggers, stress, exhaustion, boredom, loneliness, and even the ways we use food as a reward.
Today we will learn that it isn’t always about food. We have needs that can not be put on a plate.
Let's think of it as if you ordered a winter coat on Amazon, but when the package came, there was a pair of shoes inside. Now there was nothing wrong with the shoes, and you might even like them. But you are still without a winter coat.
Your delivery didn’t match what you needed. Sometimes food works the same way. If you're tired and overwhelmed, food is there. You’re lonely and need connection; food is there. Now there isn’t anything wrong with the food, but it isn’t what you were asking for. The food gives you pleasure for a few minutes, but your original need is still unmet.
The food may have provided pleasure for a few minutes, but the original need is still standing at the door.
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Sometimes We Need Permission
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There is another need that we can overlook. Sometimes we are hungry for permission. Permission to be able to rest without earning it. Permission to be able to ask for help or leave something unfinished.
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When you go to a restaurant, they give you a menu to choose from. You can create a different kind of menu for yourself.
Think about what helps you when you need: Comfort
A warm shower, favorite blanket, music, sitting somewhere quiet. Connection
Calling someone, sending a message, spending time with someone you care about. Reset
Going to bed earlier, sitting down for ten minutes, leaving something until tomorrow. Reassurance
Writing down what you're worried about, talking with someone supportive, reminding yourself of what you've already handled. Pleasure
Gardening, reading, music, crafting, being outside, watching something funny, doing something simply because you enjoy it. Support
Asking for help, talking about what's bothering you, letting someone know you're having a difficult day.
Your menu will be different from someone else's. The goal is to begin discovering what helps you.
Your Small Action
Today, when you notice yourself looking for something to eat, pause once and ask:
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“Am I hungry for food, or am I hungry for something else too?”
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Notice the word too. This doesn't have to be either/or. You can be physically hungry and need comfort. You can want dessert and need connection. You can enjoy food and recognize that you've had a difficult day. If you discover another need, choose one small way to respond to it.
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Maybe you send the text.
Take the break.
Ask for help.
Go outside.
Put something off until tomorrow.
Turn on your favorite music.
Or simply acknowledge:
“I know what I need right now.”
That awareness matters.
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Small steps. Lasting change. One day at a time
The Urge Is Not the Enemy
Strong urges to eat can feel incredibly convincing that you are hungry. Thinking about the cookies in the kitchen or what you can order off of “DoorDash” can feel overwhelming. What we are learning today is that we can experience an urge without immediately doing anything about it.
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An urge is more of a sensation, not a command. When your phone makes a sound, you immediately want to see who just texted you. You're at lunch and want to check your social media, or you buy something on Amazon, and you want to buy it. Those are urges, but they do not physically make you do them. There is a difference between feeling like you want to do something and having to do it.
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This is true with our food urges as well. It may be uncomfortable not to give in to that persistent urge, but just because it feels urgent, it doesn’t mean it is necessary.
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Why Urges Can Feel So Powerful
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When we respond to the same urges everyday our brains become familiar with the pattern and use it as the go-to when stress is high. Your brain creates shortcuts to keep you from becoming mentally fatigued. So the more familiar the pattern is, the less thought it takes.
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When you first learn how to drive, backing out of a long driveway might feel overwhelming. You make sure you check your mirrors, then put the car in reverse, turn your wheel, look around at your surroundings, and start backing up.
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After a while, all those actions become automatic, and we no longer think about them; we just do them. Your eating habits can become automatic as well.
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Urges don't always stay at the same intensity. The important thing to understand is that the intensity you feel in one moment doesn't tell you what you will be feeling in ten minutes.
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You might decide to eat anyway, and that is okay too. The important change is that you take a moment and ask yourself if this is an urge or a need.
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Today's Takeaway
An urge can be loud without being an emergency. It can be uncomfortable without being dangerous. And it can ask for your attention without deciding for you. You can learn new ways to respond; it just takes time.
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Small steps. Lasting change. One day at a time
Your Small Action
Today, don't try to stop an urge.
Just practice naming one.
When you notice yourself strongly wanting food, say: “I'm noticing an urge to eat.”
That's it.
You don't have to wait a certain amount of time. You don't have to distract yourself. You don't have to make the urge disappear. And you don't have to prove anything by refusing to eat.
For today, simply practice recognizing the difference between:
having an urge and responding to an urge.
Tomorrow, we'll begin exploring what can happen in the space between those two things.
Small steps. Lasting change. One day at a time
The Power of the Pause
Yesterday, we talked about recognizing an urge without automatically treating it like a command.
Today we're going to practice what comes next. The pause.
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A pause doesn't have to be long; it can be two minutes, or sometimes it may be longer. It isn’t important the amount of time you choose to pause. What is important is that you created space to give yourself a chance to make a choice.
The pause is not another rule. It also isn’t another test to see if you can rely on willpower.
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It also isn’t about waiting it out before you’ve “earned” permission to eat, because you are allowed to eat. The pause is to give yourself time to notice what is happening before you respond.
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Think of it as saying: “Before I decide what I want to do, I'm going to check in with myself.”
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That's very different from: “I need to stop myself from eating.”
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One is restriction. The other is awareness. The goal was to allow you to choose.
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Something interesting can happen when you take the time to pause. An urge that you felt a few minutes ago may not feel so loud. The pause does not guarantee that the craving will go away.​ We use this method because feelings and urges can change when we give them a little time. We are not looking for an outcome or something you need to achieve; this is where you learn more about yourself.
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What If You Pause and Still Eat More Than You Wanted?
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This matters because we can understand how we are feeling and still eat more than we had intended. Even though you chose to eat, the pause was not wasted. Don’t judge yourself; instead, pay attention to what you learned. What did you notice? What did you learn? Was the urge particularly strong? Were you exhausted? Were you hungry? Were you upset?
Did the food give you what you needed at that moment? Awareness doesn't mean you'll suddenly make a different choice every time. Sometimes awareness comes first. Change comes later.
Your Small Action
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Today, practice one pause. Take a slow breath as you ask yourself: “What is happening with me right now?”
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Whatever you decide, notice that you made a decision.
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That's the skill we're practicing.
Calm the brain and make emotions easier to manage
We can get caught up in the emotion; we start to recognize and understand what we are experiencing. Research using brain imaging has shown that putting feelings into words increases activity in areas of the brain that involve thinking and emotional regulation.
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Basically, what that means is that if we name our emotions, that can help lower the intensity. Your emotions won’t just disappear, but it will be easier to understand them. Recognizing what we are feeling gives us a better opportunity to pause and decide what we want to do next. Instead of automatically reacting.
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Recognition & Notice What Is Happening
Recognition is when we realize that something is happening inside us. You could notice that your shoulders are tense, your heart is beating faster, you might feel restless, and your thoughts are racing out of control. You might also notice that it is at this time that you might be walking into the kitchen to see what you could find for comfort. Take this opportunity to recognize that something is bothering you. You might not be able to name the emotion yet, but taking the time to notice it will help you understand it.
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Identification & Give the Feeling a Name
Now it is time to try to identify the emotion. You could be feeling many emotions at once. If you are mad at someone, you could also be hurt by what they said. When you put words to what you are feeling, you can understand it better.
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Acceptance & Let the Feeling Be There
This can be the hardest part. Accepting does not mean you like the emotion or want to continue to feel it. What it means is you are no longer criticizing yourself for having those emotions.
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Instead of: “I shouldn't be upset about this.” or “Why am I letting this bother me?”
Try: “I'm disappointed, and it's okay that I'm feeling disappointed.”
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Emotions are part of being human; it is okay to have your emotions.
Regulation & Decide What You Want to Do Next
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After you recognized, named, and allowed the emotion, you can now think about how you want to respond. Regulation isn’t about always choosing not to eat. You are allowing yourself to respond intentionally.
Your Environment Shapes Your Habits
We often think changing a habit comes down to willpower, but our surroundings can have a powerful influence on what we do, often without us realizing it.
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Think about a plate of cookies sitting on the kitchen counter. You may walk by, see them, and suddenly want one even though you weren't thinking about cookies a minute earlier. Our environment is filled with cues that can trigger automatic behaviors.
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The good news is that we can also use our environment to support the habits we want to build.
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Small changes can make healthier choices easier: Keep a water bottle where you can see it. Put fruits and vegetables where they're easy to grab. Lay out your exercise clothes the night before. Keep your phone away from you when you want to focus.
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You can also make habits you want to change a little less convenient. Even adding a small extra step can give you a moment to think instead of automatically following the usual routine.
Another helpful strategy is habit stacking, connecting a new habit to something you already do. Habit stacking means attaching a new small habit to something you already do regularly.
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For example: After I eat breakfast, I will take my vitamins. After I make lunch, I will add a vegetable to my plate. After I finish dinner, I will take a 10-minute walk.
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Once that becomes familiar, you can build from there.
That's what makes habit stacking useful: you're not trying to remember one more thing to do. Something you already do becomes the reminder.
Breaking the All-or-Nothing Mindset
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When we eat something we didn’t plan to, we can immediately think that we messed up, so we keep eating since we already blew it. You think I will just start again on Monday. You allowed that one choice to eat off plan to determine the rest of your day. This is what all-or-nothing thinking is. One choice is one choice; don’t let it take over your thinking.
When you feel good about your choices and proud of how well you are staying on plan, but then someone brings cookies to work. You have one because chocolate chip cookies are your favorite. But one turns into two, then three. Now you're thinking, “There goes today; I ruined my healthy eating by eating those cookies.
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What exactly is gone, or ruined?
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You ate three cookies; that is all that happened. It is the story you tell yourself afterwards that turns the cookies into something bigger than it really is. Those cookies don’t decide what you eat for dinner. The thought that the day is ruined influences how you feel and what you do next.
If you had a flat tire, would you say the car isn’t fixable? Would you say it is hopeless and walk away from the car, never looking back? No, instead you deal with the situation by giving the tire the needed attention to fix the problem. Why is it that, when it comes to eating, we treat it differently?
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One choice is just that, one choice. It is a moment in your day; don’t let it determine the rest of your day. You shouldn’t give up on your day because of one eating choice.
All-or-nothing often grows out of the way we’ve learned to think about food. We say I was good today or I was really bad this weekend. You are not good because you ate a salad. You are not bad because you chose to have a piece of cake. Food choices are not a character trait.
Connecting our worth to what we eat creates the thinking that every food choice is a test.
What if there is no test, just choices? Some choices support you and leave you feeling energized. Other choices can leave you feeling disappointed and uncomfortable. Sometimes we make these choices because we are hungry, and other times it is because the food tastes so good.
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Don’t let your food choices define who you are. One choice does not determine your next one.
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Your Small Action
Today, listen for all-or-nothing language:
“I ruined it.” “I blew it.” “I'll start tomorrow.” “I've been bad.”
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If you notice one of these thoughts, try replacing it with:
“That was only one choice.”
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Then continue with your day. No punishment. No starting over. No trying to make up for anything. Just your next choice.
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Small steps. Lasting change. One day at a time.
Restriction Can Increase Cravings
Do you have a craving that seems impossible to ignore? Maybe you couldn’t stop thinking about chocolate. Or your day was so stressful, and you wanted to eat a bowl of ice cream. There is research that suggests that avoiding your comfort foods can increase the craving for that food.
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There is a psychological piece to this. If someone tells you not to think about the brownie that you were going to have when you got home, you can’t help but think about the brownie. When you tell yourself you can’t have certain foods, the more attention you seem to give it.
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Cravings can also happen because of patterns we have repeated over time. If you go to the movies and smell the popcorn, most of us want some, even if you're not hungry. The reason is that your brain remembers that you get popcorn when you go to the movies.
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Our brains not only connect food with places and things we do, but it also connects food with feelings. We not only eat when we are stressed and overwhelmed, but we also eat when we are happy. Celebrations on holidays, graduations, weddings, and promotions are all times we use food to help us celebrate. Over time, food becomes connected to our comfort, celebration, relief, and pleasure.
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We spend a lot of time trying to stop cravings. Maybe it is time to start listening to our cravings instead. Cravings can tell you a lot. It can tell you that you’re physically hungry, or that maybe you're restricting too much.
Try asking yourself: “What might this craving be telling me?”
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That question replaces judgment with curiosity.
And curiosity gives you somewhere to go.
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Small steps. Lasting change. One day at a time.
Responding After Emotional Eating
It is the end of the day, and you ate more than you planned to. The stress, exhaustion, and overwhelm just needed some comfort. Then the guilt sets in. Guilt will not help us make better choices.
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We are often tempted to skip the next meal, restrict how much food we eat the next day, or exercise too much to “Burn it off.”
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Promise ourselves once again that we will “be good” tomorrow
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It is these kinds of responses that keep the cycle of restriction, cravings, overeating, and guilt going. Allow yourself some grace and continue with your normal eating routine. You don’t need to wait till tomorrow or Monday.
Action Plan: When You Eat More Than You Planned
1. Stop punishing yourself
You don’t have to skip your next meal, restrict your food the following day, or over exercise to “burn it off.” These reactions can keep the cycle going.
2. Pause before judging yourself
Take a few slow breaths and allow the moment to pass without making promises about tomorrow. One difficult moment does not erase your progress.
4. Care for what you need now
Choose a supportive action:
Drink some water if you are thirsty. Change into comfortable clothes. Take a warm shower. Sit somewhere quiet. Write down what you are feeling. Go to bed early if you are exhausted. Reach out to someone if you need connection.
Your reminder
You do not need to wait until tomorrow or Monday to begin again. There is nothing to restart. Simply offer yourself grace, not punishment.
Try the Ten-Minute Experiment
Sometimes we feel a strong urge to eat. You might want to respond to that urge right away. It can be hard to think about anything else at that moment besides the ice cream that is waiting for you when you get home.
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Instead of giving in or telling yourself you can’t have it, there is another option. Take ten minutes, not because you're saying food is off limits. But because stepping away for a few minutes helps you think clearly. Maybe take a walk, have a cup of your favorite tea, or listen to some music.
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Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? Am I physically hungry? What happened right before this urge appeared? What am I hoping the food will give me? Don't try to talk yourself out of eating.
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Just notice.
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After ten minutes, check in with yourself and ask: “Do I still want it?” You might realize that you were overwhelmed and needed a break.
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Why do we practice this? Because every urge does not require us to respond to. The more you practice pausing before eating, the more aware you become of your emotions and why you want to eat.
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Ten minutes isn't about controlling food. It's about giving yourself enough space to hear what you need.
Build a Comfort Toolbox
Food has become one of the fastest and most familiar ways to help deal with stress, loneliness, and boredom. Food works for our emotions because it gives us pleasure and distracts us. Our goal is not to take away comfort food. It is to build different ways to help us cope. It is like creating a toolbox for your emotions.
Our different emotions need different tools. When you are sad, disappointed, hurt, or having a hard day, you need tools to cope with that.
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A warm shower • A favorite blanket • A cup of tea • Sitting somewhere quiet • Journaling • Listening to calming music • Spending time with a pet
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If you are overwhelmed and frustrated, you could try:
Slow breathing • Stepping outside • Stretching • A short walk • Turning off your phone • Writing down what's on your mind • Sitting quietly for five minutes
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If you are restless or tired, you could:
Put on an upbeat song • Walk outside • Dance around the kitchen • Stretch • Open the windows • Work on something you enjoy • Change your surroundings
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When you feel that you need connection because you feel alone, you can try: Call someone • Send a text • Sit with your family • Meet someone for a walk • Spend time with a pet • Participate in your community • Ask someone for support
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When you need a distraction: Read • Work on a puzzle • Listen to a podcast • Do something creative • Garden • Organize a drawer • Go outside • Watch something that makes you laugh
Build Your Toolbox
Fill your toolbox with tools you know will help you.
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Calm
When I feel stressed or overwhelmed, I can:........​
Energy
When I'm bored, restless, or sluggish, I can:..........
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Connection
When I feel lonely or need support, I can:.........
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Distraction
When I need to get out of my head for a little while, I can:.......
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Rest
When I'm depleted, I can:.......​
Keep Your Tools Easy to Reach
​Why do we treat our food choices as evidence of our character?
We tell ourselves that we are good when we force ourselves to eat a salad. We tell ourselves that we are bad when we eat dessert. Praising ourselves when we stay on plan and feel ashamed when we don’t. The food we eat has nutritional differences but is not a judgment of our character.
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Sometimes we negotiate with ourselves, or try to find proof that we were successful or unsuccessful with our plan. Instead of enjoying your meal or snack, you are waiting for a verdict on your character.
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This way of thinking can cause guilt, secrecy, punishment, restriction, or the thoughts of " I should keep eating because the day is already 'ruined.” The shame created by labeling yourself can then become the very emotion that makes you want more comfort from food.
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Try to interrupt this pattern by using neutral language. Don’t accuse or scold yourself. Just acknowledge you ate and then move on. You can decide to make a different choice next time.
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Today, listen for the words you use around food. Notice when you describe yourself as good, bad, disciplined, out of control, successful, or a failure. When you find that you are labeling your behavior, you can pause and ask: What happened? What was I feeling at that moment?
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Maybe you skipped lunch or got home extremely hungry. Maybe you wanted comfort after a difficult conversation. Maybe the food tasted good, and you chose to have more. Perhaps you ate automatically and did not notice until afterward. These observations give you something useful to work with. Shame does not.
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Your food choices are moments in your life. You cannot lose your worth because of something you ate.